A collage of three pictures. Two of them show the same man in graduation regalia, the last picture is of a building at NTS.
Exercise: Jesus and the healing of blind Bartimaues My Desire: Graduate with my Doctorate and use what I learn and develop to make the church a better place
Desire is a weird thing in my life because desire leads to impulsivity a lot of times due to the overwhelming need of dopamine in my life. One of the biological causes of ADHD is a huge lack of it, which results in the common ADHD experience of hobby hopping, or being a master of many things, and absolutely atrocious at things that don’t bring joy. However, there are some desires that transcend the immediate and will come up again and again. For example, education is one of my desires. I both love to be educated, and I love to educate others. It’s a gifting and a desire, and something I will always naturally do.
As I completed the exercise titled “Jesus and the healing of blind Bartimaues,” I sat there wondering what my desire was. I did the same after I had read the same encounter in Martin’s book. (57-58). Everything seemed so shallow and even like it paled in comparison to someone getting their vision back. This has actually been an ongoing experience since our retreat in Atchinson. That was one of the first times I had been able to think about nothing by myself and not feel guilty about it since 2013 (wife, jobs, kids, etc.) It was a surreal experience and made me realize that I desire being with God intimately and without distraction.
The desires (and more often than not dopamine wants) I experience day after day come and go. But being able to tune into what I desire more than anything has helped me to see God’s desire for my life. The way I am wired comes into a clearer focus, the paths that I have chosen make sense, the relationships and the way my brain works have more meaning. Knowing my desire helps me to know God’s desire, and as a result, our relationship is better, I am more trusting, I am more purpose driven, and I am able to persevere towards that desire in ways that I am not able to in other areas of life.
I am comforted by this block quote found on page 60 of Martin’s book. If I am seeking God in all my desires, then desiring what God desires for me is a holy and noble cause.
We tend to think that if we desire something, it is probably something we ought not to want or to have. But think about it: without desire we would never get up in the morning. We would never have ventured beyond the front door. We would never have read a book or learned something new. No desire means no life, no growth, no change. Desire is what makes , two people create a third person. Desire is what makes crocuses push up through the late-winter, soil. Desire is energy, the energy of creativity, the energy of life itself. So let’s not be too hard on desire. —Margaret Silf, Wise Choices