Discernment Paper
When I first started this process, I was admittedly frustrated because I didn’t necessarily know what to discern. I felt that I had no imagination, and that could be in part because much of it was being used in other areas of study, and in some sense, been exhausted when trying to write the dissertation proposal. How could I imagine a problem to discern when my posture was information gathering and knowledge building? In other words, what was the point?
So I came up with a question that had been floating around in our pastoral staff and leadership team: “how can we, as a local church, be generous without expectation of return, but also inviting others into relationship with God and our local church?” It seemed pretty straightforward and a good question to work on, but as I got further along in the process, I realized that it was a placeholder for the real question that began to emerge, which is “what abilities and skills do I have to provide a safe space for others to experience a relationship with God?”
I have come to realize that the first question would eventually lead to this current question because I had to engage with something to get the process started. Susan Beaumont references this idea this as “proximate purpose.”(Beaumont 2019) This is something I needed to do so I could at least start motion. An idea at rest stays at rest!
The first question chosen was not completely random; it had real merit to my ministry context as a pastor and would help bring along some ideas to help the organization. Ultimately though, it was not the question I needed to process through. I didn’t necessarily know it at the time, but I was implementing another idea from Beaumont in relation to the proximate purpose. She writes:
Finding a good proximate purpose (our next best step) is key to overriding or reconciling other competing purposes. A good proximate purpose lies at the intersection of identity, context, and values. When our passions, skills, and gifts are deployed in service to a clearly defined target community, an organization that works at this intersection will find energy and create focus.(127 Beaumont 2019)
This clarification would have helped to spur on the engagement of discernment in a more engaging way. It would have been aided me in engaging in the process before seeking the ending.
The Process
As I read through Liebert’s book, I felt challenged to fully engage with some of the practices at first. I admit that as I was engaging with some of the questions with our pastoral staff, I did not articulate the end goal/process as well as I could have because I was taking it one step at a time. But I also struggled with some of the ideas of silence and settledness. In particular, an early part of the process described in chapter two is the idea of creating a space for silence. She writes “While sufficient freedom from the press of daily responsibilities can make possible outward silence, and group processes can have silent times structured into them, the quality I am pointing to here is an inner settledness, a calmness characterized by an absence of internal chatter, a readiness to listen for the subtle traces of God’s communication, however they might come, and even a sense of expectancy at what God will do in the silence.”(41 Liebert 2015) My question was “what does that mean for people who can’t have inner silence?”
The struggle with a lot of these practices is the idea of silence and settledness because it requires a reimagining of what that means for someone with ADHD. That’s not to say it is impossible, but rather it will require work to get to that point with people who have chatty consciouses. In a somewhat comical way, I can relate to the struggle of groupthink as an individual, and in group settings, I am able to see threads of thought and ideas quicker than most other people. So even though there is a struggle, learning about oneself will help to acknowledge and adjust to different ways of thinking.
Dates
- Week of 2/3 - Processed through “Who Are You?”:
- I am a pastor
- I am a teacher
- I am veteran
- I am a white man
- I am educated
- I am married to a black woman
- I am a father
- I have ADHD
- I am politically savvy
- Who am I? I am someone that desires but lacks in order and structure because it facilitates freedom and exploration. With this new administration, I am reminded of how active I was in discussions from the first Trump term. It is a chance for me to use my position as a Christian, Veteran, White man to speak up and let others in our community know that we are not “like other Christians” in the evangelical context that is rampant in the DFW area.
- Week of 2/24 - What systems and social structures am I a part of?
- DFW - East Dallas - Casa View
- Large Hispanic population
- Diverse church (more so than my last church)
- Working class people between poverty and middle classes
- “Why would we want to identify the marginalized subjects in our system?” (78 Liebert 2015)
- Give us eyes to see.
- There are an abundance of resources in East Dallas, who is marginalized even then?
- How do we fit into the structure of the community? (There are 4 churches on our corner alone).
- Christianity is supposed to be about grace, love, and justice, how can we have that if we are not that to the most marginalized?
- We are new to the community, but notice that a lot of the churches keep to themselves in our little area. Most are either insulated or serve an attraction model. How can we provide a space for those who are welcome but want to experience a meaningful, slowed down experience with believers and with God? How do I facilitate that?
- Week of 3/9 - Pray Pray Pray
- What is keeping us, keeping me from providing a space that is welcoming to others?
- How can I identity that and exude it into our congregation?
- “Using the results of your social analysis, describe briefly the most salient aspects of the context surrounding the situation and the structure. Did your social analysis turn up anything surprising to you? Is there anything that seems particularly relevant to the situation and its underlying structure? What biblical text (or other sacred text), parable, or metaphor comes to mind that seems to address this situation and structure? How does it invite or challenge you? What theological theme( s) comes to play in the situation or the structure?”(108, Liebert 2015)
- After looking at our system and praying with openness, I realized that we have a church that is welcoming, can look the part of caring deeply (we do), but can have a warped view of marginalized or on the outskirts. More so I can do that. I came from a much poorer neighborhood in Ohio, and while many of the events, the size of the church, the look of the people are similar, I had been operating under an old way of thinking. I have missed the mark in my own understanding of our neighborhood. How can I be a safe person if I am making assumptions about the people we are interacting with?
A new working question emerges at the end of this process: “what abilities and skills do I have to provide a safe space for others to experience a relationship with God?” I am learning to trust the process of discernment more, and I learning to be settled in taking the next step. In doing so I provide my own stability before rushing onto the next thing, and more important, I am able to be in the moment with other people. And while my brain may be going a million miles a minute, I am able to make new connections and insights where I am at instead of using that energy to move onto the next thing and leaving people behind.